Murphy’s Law

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The good old Murphy’s Law. No one is ever left out. Not even us women who unexpectedly find ourselves flying solo by a piece of thread barely enough room to hold on to. Sound familiar? If so, than thank God I am not alone!

Maybe you are sitting there trying to think (even though it is probably so loud you can’t hear yourself think), what is Murphy’s Law again? It is quite simple. If it can go wrong, then it will! Usually happens as soon as your spouse is out the door…headed to work…that is 800+ miles away and you won’t see him for 14-30 days before he returns to fix or help with anything.

Some examples I must share with you:

  • As soon as I climb into bed (after picking up the rest of the house after your children returned the status of the living room back to Ground Zero). I lay my head down on my favorite, soft, squishy pillow, get comfortable, and slowly start to drift off…I hear it. Someone is about to puke. Usually the kid. Sometimes the dog, but not often. It’s going to suck. Nothing will make you jump so far out of the bed, out of your sweet slumber like the sound of gagging and chunks hitting your bedroom floor (carpet) and bed at 1 a.m. What!? I never mentioned one time that this wouldn’t be graphic or cute.
  • It does not matter what it is, but a large appliance that we use on a daily basis will find a way to malfunction leaving me clueless on what I need to or should do. Every. Single. Time. The dishwasher will start to leak water from a unsourcable area. The vacuum belt will break and start to stink, even though your husband fixed it the day before and it was working just fine. The TV won’t work the right away and to fix it you have to shut everything down (interrupting Descendants 2 that the kids are watching for at least the millionth time). Goodness!
  • The car will stop producing cold air in the middle of Texas summer. You call your husband to make sure that he knows we are not using the car until he gets back to fix the air.
  • I lose things. A lot of things. Like my car and gate keys – I’ve lost those just this past weekend. Of course we found them, an hour later. Turns out that I remember putting them in a bag and brought the bag and the rest of the Wal-Mart bags into the house. I got side-tracked and did something else not thinking about the keys until the next day when we had family coming over. The bag was in the girl’s room so we never went in there. My 5-year-old found them while she was playing with her pet Monkey (his name is Monkey and he’s 5 years old too). If my head was not attached to my body, I’m pretty sure I would have lost that a long time ago. Lol!! Moving on…
  • I break something. Usually something of his. An accident of course, but that is not the point.
  • Giving up now. Enough is enough and all this is making me exhausted.

With Murphy’s Law, you try really hard to stay positive and upbeat so your husband does not lose it over the phone. What good will it do to complain about this or that? He is 800+ miles away, in another state. He can listen to you. Offer advice. That’s pretty much it. Figures.

Here is what gets me through it all. The second that he comes back everything will fix itself with no help from anyone. It’s like a magic button automatically turns on when he enters the driveway. The TV never messes up. The air in the car magically starts working. Any appliance not working the correct way – works perfectly now! Then you’ll hear him say, “I cannot find anything wrong, dear. Everything seems to be working just fine.”

Figures.

Things I Wish…

There are many opinions about oilfield wives. That is totally good, because it is their opinion, which everyone is entitled to have nowadays. No matter if that opionion is good or bad, people have it in their minds on what we are like. There is just not 1 type of oilfield wife. We are all different. Different personalities. Different likes. Different dislikes. We only share the experience of what it is like being married into the oilfield. Too bad people do not understand what our lives are like.

Here are some things I Wish Everyone knew…

1.) Oilfield Wives are independent. We don’t usually need help. We hate asking for help. We do not necessarily like being independent, however it’s a job requirement. We have it mastered. Whatever it is, we can handle it.

2.) We are not anti-social (some are). We are busy. Juggling kids, activites, home businesses, working, sports, church, school, bills, housework, volunteer work, appointments, meetings, yard work. If one thing jumps out of the scheduled events of the day, everything comes crashing down. Please do not be offended or take it personally if we don’t have the time to hang out. Trying to stay afloat.

3.) We need support. Support from friends, husbands who are working 800+ miles from home, neighbors, and family. Just to know someone has our backs is a good feeling. Maybe have a listening ear to let us vent or even say some kind words may go a long way if we are having a bad day.

4.) Do not mess with our routine/schedule. Mom is doing double duty when Dad is working. Sometimes it can get stressful. Not on the schedule usually means it does not happen. I plan. I am a list-maker. I schedule. I have the master calendar on our kitchen wall that tells us everything that is coming up or is happening that day/week (P games, K dr appointment, Mom dentist appointments, Dad coming home, etc).

5.) Do we like juggling everything on our own for 2 weeks at a time. No. We are tough. It took awhile to get used to, but it’s a way of life. We have done it since March 2006 and still continuing to do it. We live a life that revolves around hitches and missing Daddy’s. We are not a stranger to fluctuating income. There is a lot of things we have to handle. Just cause we can handle them, does not mean we like them. We are woman enough to handle all of it without crying and whining that comes with everything.

What the Heck Am I Doing?

 

Oilfield parenting is different from other parenting. It’s kinda like being a single parenting, but not at the same time. It’s like parenting with (2) stay-at-home parents, but not. It’s a class of its own. Some days I feel on top of the everything. I think I have an idea of what is going on. Other times I’m lost. I have no idea on what is going on. More often than most days.

I feel like I wing it, majority of the time. During the 2-week hitches of parenting on my own, I survive using routines, schedules, and strict bedtime times. When Dad is home, we fly by the seat of our pants. He doesn’t really know our routine. I’m usually ready for a break by the time he comes home. This is good, I guess. It teaches the kids to be flexible, which is good. Right? What if this is just teaching the kids that Mom = Rules and Dad = Play? Maybe I’m just over thinking all of this.

Activities – what is too much? Not enough? Should we let them try every extracurricular activity? I’m sure that they will decide on what truly interests them. What they are passionate about. What they are good at. What they enjoy. As they get older, they can start to focus on that 1 thing, in hopes of them NOT jumping from one sport to the next to the next. Or is it okay for them to do this? While the kids are young, they use their imaginations to play. To have them run through the field pretending they are on a ship looking for the buried treasure, because that is what kids do. They use their imagination. They pretend. It’s hard when I’m the only parent at home to run this one to dance, this one to volleyball, this one to ballerina, and this one to cheer. Four kids in four different sports at four different times six days a week is tiresome. Exhausting. Just thinking about it is exhausting. Oilfield parenting is confusing.

What if the change in activities is too chaotic? What if we are spoiling them by always working my schedule around theirs? Do kids even need a sport at 5, 8, 10, and/or 12? Are they already years behind from not consistently being in softball from the age of 3? What if going from 1 parent to 2 parent, then back again to 1 is unsettling? Maybe I’m over thinking everything?

Again, most days I feel like I’m winging it and getting by with just a prayer. I pray in the long run that we are doing more good than harm.

I’m sure it all is okay. Maybe we just need to continue to do our best. Make sure our kids know they have 2 parents that love them so much. Even when Dad is away working. Maybe it’s okay to choose 1 or 4 sports to be in all the time. To jump from one activity to the next. Maybe it’s okay to work hard. Stick to a strict schedule when Dad is working. To change your mind only to change back to it again and stick with it. Hopefully it’s okay to just over think everything.

It is tough to be an oilfield Mom at times.

So for anyone who is going through something similar. Questioning every parenting choice they have ever made…keep your chin up. Pretty sure we will all survive!

Wildlife & Environmental Injuries & Reactions

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Animal bites that are non-immunized, such an attack from a wild animal could happen if the animal feels threatened. These kinds of animals can be carrying rabies. Raccoons, skunks, bats, foxes, dogs, and even cats can be carrying the rabies virus. These bites can cause infections and need to be treated as soon as it happens.

 

Insect bites

Bees, wasps, hornets, yellow jackets, and fire ants are a bothersome, but not really life-threatening unless the person is severely allergic, which is rare. Mosquitoes, ticks, biting flies, and spiders have different reactions for different people. Spiders, such as the Black Widow and Brown Recluse, are dangerous that live mainly in dry, littered, undisturbed areas such as closets, wood piles, and under sinks. They prefer warm climates, like the southern states of the United States.

 

Cold and Heat-Related Emergencies

In cold-related emergencies one can experience Hypothermia, where symptoms slowly appear. One could experience loss of mental and physical abilities. In extreme heat-related emergencies, one will experience heat cramps, exhaustion, stress, and even a heat-stroke. The heat stroke can be fatal. If you or you know someone who experiences the symptoms, you need to be sure to write the “start” time that the symptoms first started to appear.

 

Poison

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In 2011, 2.3 million people reported poison symptoms. If you suspect poison is involved, call 9-1-1 as soon as possible! Poison is usually suspected if one instantly gets sick. The symptoms may take time to appear and the symptoms can vary. There are 3 kinds of poisons to be careful with: mild toxicity, moderate toxicity, and severe toxicity. Symptoms can include:

  • Mild Toxicity: headache, weakness, dizziness, sweating, restlessness, fatigue, moody, skin and eye irritation, joint soreness, nausea, diarrhea, loss of appetite, weight loss, and/or excessive thirst.
  • Moderate Toxicity: trembling, diminished muscle coordination, muscle twitches, extreme weakness, abnormal pulse, blurred vision, stomach cramps, severe nausea, severe diarrhea, excessive saliva, flush or yellow skin, cough, and/or weepy eyes.
  • Severe Toxicity: an increased rate of breathing, cannot catch one’s breath, pinpoint pupils, no control of muscle twitches, convulsions, unconsciousness, fever, and an intense for thirst.

If you suspect an overdose of too much cough medicine or if maybe your child got into your purse and took out Tylenol and had too much, here is the number that you can call if you are not sure if you need to call 9-1-

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Recognizing Different Kinds of Emergencies

There are many different types of emergencies all ranging from what kind to how severe to how minor to a deep laceration. If a victim gets the proper care, it will reduce the complications and/or infections that can happen with an emergency.

Guidelines for minor cuts, scrapes, and wounds:

  • Stop the bleeding – if minor cuts or scrapes do not stop, apply pressure with a clean cloth and bandage. Seek medical assistance if it doesn’t stop with pressure.
  • Clean the wound – rinse with clean water and do not use soap in the wound. It is okay to use soap on the skin around the wound.
  • Apply an antibiotic – after rinsing, apply cream or ointment to discourage infection.
  • Cover the wound with a clean bandage.
  • If there is severe bleeding, apply pressure, and call 911.

 

Internal Bleeding

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Internal bleeding can be from a blow from equipment that weighs too much to a fall from a tree to the ground. It will look like a bruise (as you can see from the photo – on his side) and can be life-threatening. Call 911 immediately. Symptoms of internal bleeding include:

  • Bleeding from the ears, nose, butt, and/or private areas
  • Vomit or coughing up blood
  • Blood in urine, feces, or vomit
  • Bruise on the neck, chest, hip, stomach, side between ribs, or abdominal.
  • Abdominal tenderness and/or swelling
  • Fractures
  • Shock – individual could be weak, have anxiety, extremely thirsty
  • victim’s skin is cool to touch

 

Shock

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Shock can kill. Shock happens when the body’s important functions are threatened by not getting enough blood or fluids. Symptoms are to include:

  • The inability to feel pain despite injury
  • Pale/Bluish skin and cool to touch
  • Vomit
  • Dull or sunken eyes
  • Unusual thirst

Shock requires medical attention. Some guidelines to follow when encountering a victim with shock:

  • Maintain an open airway
  • Control any bleeds
  • Elevate legs 12″ unless the injury involves injury to his/her head, neck, or spine than do not move the victim
  • Cover the victim with a blanket
  • Do not offer the victim any food or drink
  • If the victim is unconscious or bleeding from his/her mouth, the victim should lay on his/her side
  • Stay with the victim until help arrives

 

Nosebleeds

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If you encounter someone or if you experience a nosebleed yourself, they are very common, sit upright. Pinch the nose for 5-10 minutes. Once the bleeding stops, do not pick or blow your nose for several hours. If bleeding occurs within the last 20 minutes of it stopping, call your doctor.

 

Head/Spine Injury

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Whenever you suspect a victim with a head/spine injury do not move the victim. Call 911 immediately! Guidelines for a head/spine injury victim:

  • Put heavy towel around your neck and head.
  • Use CPR if need to, but do not tilt the victim’s head to open the airway
  • Use at least 2 or more bystanders to roll the victim on his/her side if the victim is choking to reduce injury

 

Sprains and Strains

With Sprains and Strains, it is important to follow the following guidelines: (RICE)

  • Rest 
  • Ice
  • Compress
  • Elevate

Take Tylenol/Motrin to reduce the swelling.

 

Fractures

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When a victim hears a pop, snap, or has a broken bone sticking out of their body with either severe pain and/or swelling, a bruise, or some other form of deformity these are the same as having a major injury trauma. Call 911 immediately.

 

Burns

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There are 4 kinds of burns: electrical, thermal, chemical, and contact/radiation. Thermal, Contact, and/or Chemical burns – have the victim run his/her burn area over the burn for 30 minutes. Do not offer the victim any food or drink. Flushing the burn area has more priority before calling 911. Remove all the clothing around the burn area so that the clothing does not stick. Do not cover the burn without a clean, cotton material. Do not use soap. No ointment. No home remedies. Keep covered with a blanket. Electrical burns – do not touch the victim until the power is off. Once the power source is off, check the airway of the victim, check their breath, check their circulation, and administer CPR if it is needed. Call 911.

 

Different Kinds of Medical Emergencies

There are many different kinds of medical emergencies: chest pain, choking, asthma, allergic reactions, heart attack, strokes, seizures, and diabetic reactions. People should be encouraged to talk about medical conditions that may require or have a special care in emergencies. If someone is working, they need to make sure that their medical information on file is accurate and current.

Chest Pain

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  • Dial 911 and call for help.
  • If the victim is alert and responsive – keep him/her calm and in a relaxed position. If the victim is unconscious – check for breathing and a pulse.
  • If the victim is not breathing, check for airway obstruction. If the airway is blocked, clear the airway and perform rescue breathing after a blockage.
  • If there is still no pulse and no breathing, start CPR with chest compressions.

 

Choking

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Occurs when something is lodged in the throat or windpipe and is blocking air from getting out. One should administer First Aid to a choking victim immediately.  These following indicators are a way to see a victim is in need of help when choking:

  • hands clutched to throat
  • inability to talk
  • difficult to talk
  • wheezing or noisy breathing
  • inability to cough forcefully

How can you help a person when they are choking before calling 911? You can do a few back blows on the victim. Back blows: deliver 5 back blows between the person’s shoulder blades with the heel of your hand. Perform the Heimlich Manuever by giving the victim 5 abdominal thrusts. Alternate between the 5 back blows and the 5 Heimlich manuevers until the blockage is dislodged.

If the victim is still unable to breathe, cough, or talk do the following:

  • Call 911 or have a bystander call 911
  • Lean the victim forward and give 5 Back Blows
  • Stand Behind the person, wrap your arms around their waist, tip victim slightly, make a fist with your hand, position your first just above the victim’s navel, grasp your fist with the other hand, and give 5 quick upward thrusts (abdominal thrusts).
  • Repeat until the blockage is dislodged.

A blocked airway will cause the victim to pass out. The steps below will help unclog a victim’s airway:

  • Lower the victim on his/her back
  • Clear the Airway
  • If you see a blockage – reach your finger carefully into the victim’s mouth and sweep out the cause of the blockage. Carefully do not push the blockage deeper into the airway.
  • If the object remains and the victim does not respond, begin CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation)
  • Recheck the airway periodically

 

Allergic Reactions

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severe allergic reaction is also known as Anaphylaxis. Anaphylaxis is produced by shock and life-threatening respiratory distress. People who are extremely sensitive, anaphylaxis can happen within in seconds to minutes to several hours after exposure. It can happen after almost any causing substance to some that are unseen. Some symptoms include:

  • Hives break out
  • Eyes/Lips swelling excessively
  • Dizziness
  • Swelling of the throat to the point of difficulty breathing and going into shock
  • Mental Confusion
  • Abdominal Cramping
  • Nausea
  • Vomit
  • Diarrhea

Call 911.

 

Heart Attack & Cardiac Arrest

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Heart attack and cardiac arrest are not the same thing. Cardiac Arrest is when the heart stops beating unexpectedly. Heart Attack is when the blood flow to the heart is stopped. This can last for a couple of hours. It starts off slowly and then builds over time. A heart attack in women are different from in men. Women usually start to experience back pain, jaw pain, and vomiting. The longer a victim waits to get treatment after a heart attack, the more damage. Don’t wait. Call 911.

AED

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An AED is not a replacement for CPR. An AED analyzes heart rhythm and determines if an electric shock is needed or not. It can give a shock on auto or by a button. NEVER stop CPR until an AED is ready. Guidelines to an AED are as follows:

  • Turn on the AED
  • Wipe the victim’s chest dry and attach pads to the victim’s bare chest
  • Plug in the pads and cable to the AED
  • Do not touch the victim
  • AED will indicate if a shock is needed
  • Tell everyone to stand clear
  • Once a shock is sent through, touch the victim and start CPR again
  • If you notice signs of life, immediately STOP CPR and monitor breath, airway, and circulation.

 

Fainting

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Fainting requires medical attention. Fainting can occur when the blood supply to your brain is temporary inadequate. The cause of loss of consciousness can be brief; there could be no medical sign or the cause can be from a serious medical disorder. Always treat loss of consciousness as a serious injury.

 

Diabetes

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Very high diabetes sugar is known as Hyperglycemia and if you encounter a victim with it, call 911 immediately. Symptoms of Hyperglycemia is:

  • Warm or dry skin
  • Rapid Pulse/Breathing
  • Fruit Sweet Breath
  • Excessive Thirst
  • Drowsiness

Very low diabetes sugar is known as Hypoglycemia and if you encounter a victim with it, you should find a way to raise their sugar level quickly. Juice and peanut butter are good ways. Symptoms of Hypoglycemia is:

  • Weak
  • Confused
  • Irrational Behavior
  • Sweating/Clamy Skin
  • Muscle Tremors
  • Detoriating of response

 

Stroke

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In a stroke victim, remember these 4 ways to tell: FAST.

  • Face – Check the victim’s face and look for drooping on one side or on both. Ask the victim how does their face feel? If they say Numb, tell them to smile while you are looking at their face.
  • Arm – Arm weakness. Ask the victim to both of their arms. Does one arm droop lower than the other?
  • Speech – Does the victim have trouble speaking? Do they have a slurred, slowing, or stutter when they repeat a simple sentence, such as: “The sky is blue.”
  • Time – Call 911 or take the victim to the hospital immediately. Record the time that all of this started.

First Aid

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What is First Aid? First Aid is defined as help and medical assistance that someone gives before a professional medical is available. First Aid consists of specific, knowledge, and skills.

I am going to provide some information on what to do, the ability, and how to go about getting the treatment in case of an emergency. Cuts, puncture wounds, sprains, stains, and nosebleeds are more critical First Aid emergencies.

It is important to be able to recognize an emergency and how to call for medical attention. Small injuries (i.e. scratch, splinter, or puncture wound) can lead to infections and need an immediate examination. Treatments are necessary for all injury regardless on how tiny to how major the injury is.

 

First Aid Providers

The Good Samaritan Statues Law: Laws that enacted by various states that protect healthcare providers and other rescuers. The laws are effect for those who provide the person who uses reasonable prudent guidelines for care.

Assess and Secure the Scene

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Try to work the scene. Assess all forces involved. Any one subjected to force which may result in a broken bone to the neck, head, or spine injury -NEVER, EVER move if at all is possible. Think Safety – Always. Continue to reassess the safety of the accident.

Rendering Aid

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  • Find the problem after assessing the scene. Recognize the emergency.
  • It is important to recognize any warning signs of a heart attack, cardiac arrest, stroke, and/or choking.
  • Life-threatening will benefit from immediate action and advanced medical care.
  • Non life-threatening may not need immediate medical care, but would need to be cared for properly, i.e. bee stings, ant bites, etc.
  • Call for help once you’ve recognized the emergency. If you’re on a job and an emergency happens where you need to call for help; call 911 first and then your company emergency response number (if they have one).
  • Have a co-worker in the area to tell them  to call for help. Bring the first aid kid and AED (Auto External Defib). 911 will enter the information you give them and a response team would be on the way. When you are talking to the 911 operator, be sure to tell them your exact location, your name, a number you can be reached at, highway, mile marker, etc.

 

First Aid Kits

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Should be kept up high, away from young children. First Aid Kids should be available in all workplaces, in your home, and in your car. Placed in a place where it is easy to find. A well-stocked First Aid Kit can help respond effectively to common injuries and emergencies.

Happy 5th Birthday, Shelby!

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10 things I love about you…

This is written in honor of my daughter, Shelby, turning 5! I cannot believe on how fast this went! So here it goes…

1.) Your infectious laugh – it all started when you just about 9 months old. You laughed when your sisters “pretended” to get hurt, whether it was a toe being stubbed, they tripped and fell over their own two “left” feet, or when they made such a giggly face. We all ended up laughing with you!

2.) The ability to pull off that “perfect tan” when you were outside for 30 minutes or so.

3.) Your awesome dance moves – your fist pumping and booty shaking brings a smile to our faces every time.

4.) Your love for your Mom, Dad, and sisters – that you’d rather be hanging out at the house all day being a bum watching tv or YouTube kids than out running the roads visiting friends for play dates.

5.) Your charm – everywhere we go, you manage to have friends follow.

6.) Your ability to not only know every lyric of every song that is played in the car but to know who was singing it as well.

7.) Your love for music regardless who sings it.

8.) Your inability to say the right words – when your “L”s sound like “H”s.

9.) Your curiosity of what else the world has to offer.

10.) Your honesty – when I told you that I was excited that you were turning 5 this year and you are starting kindergarten this month. You said, “OK!” and ran off to get your back pack because you are ready too.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl who isn’t a baby anymore!

4th Pregnancy NOT a Joke!

This time 5 years ago I was officially over being pregnant! I was over it before seeing that positive, plus sign appear on the 10 different test strips. Before getting a confirmation from the doctor. This was my 4th pregnancy in little over 3 years and it felt like I had been pregnant for-like-ever!

At the beginning I love being pregnant. The beginning, I’m referring to when I was pregnant with Paige when there was only Steven and I and Paige on the way. However if one more person I encountered told me that I should enjoy my pregnancy, even though it was going to be over tomorrow, I though of seriously punching them in the face. Not really, but I might shoot some serious daggers while I envision flipping them the bird. How does one go about and enjoy being pregnant? You are not able to experience the best life has to offer. There is a never-ending list of strict rules, regulations – no alcohol, no sushi (which is okay because I’m not a fan), no to caffeine – only in a moderation, and only certain fish are allowed. All the good medicines are off-limits. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Plus I’m too busy running after school events and two toddlers – how is one suppose to even attempt being pregnant?

 

Pregnant with Paige

New. Adorable. Exciting. Everyone overfeeding you with compliments. Everyone telling you that they can see the ‘glow’ just jump off my face. Frequent naps are encouraged. No one dare to wake you if you do take a nap. No one allows you to lift anything for fear of you overdoing things. You monitor your pregnancy with a tracker app or notebook. You know what week you are. What your fetus is compared to. You can’t help but stare at yourself in every mirror that you come across hoping to catch a glimpse of your baby bump.

Pregnant with Kylie

People still care. It’s not as extreme as it was when you were pregnant with Paige (your first). Offers of help are common, but not as much. You are busy taking care of your firstborn, but still take advantage of down time here and there. You start to find it a little harder to hide your baby bump, but you’re “popping” sooner than your first. Your excitement fades into exhaustion. With each pregnancy no one pays attention to your growing bump. It’s as if it’s been permanently attached to your belly.

Pregnant with Sydney

People still care. It’s not as extreme as it was when you were pregnant with Paige (your first) or Kylie (your second). Offers of help are common, but not as much. You are busy taking care of your first-born who is now in Pre-K and your second born who is a toddler, but still take advantage of down time here and there. You start to find it a little harder to hide your baby bump, but you’re “popping” sooner than your first and second. Your excitement fades into exhaustion. With each pregnancy no one pays attention to your growing bump. It’s as if it’s been permanently attached to your belly.

Pregnant with Shelby

Where did everyone go? No one really cares. You get asked frequently if you know what causes this. Or if you have another girl, are we really done? Or if you were like me, you’ll get asked if you are having twins or triplets and to make sure with the doctor that there is only one BIG baby in there. If you need help now, offers don’t exist. There is absolutely NO TIME for yourself. No naps in the future. You’re too busy taking kids to and from school and chasing a toddler around at the same time. Your only option is to keep pushing on. When someone asks you how far along you are, you have no idea but to remember your due date and offer that as your answer. If they really want to know, they can figure it out themselves. You start showing like seconds after conception and probably just the thought of another. You have zero bladder functions and pee yourself as you laugh, cough, sneeze, or just because.

Not Caring Anymore

At the end of the 3rd trimester, you’ve lost the will to care. You do not care what you look like. If it fits, that’s all that matters. Plaid and polka dots, so be it. Flip flops are always in season. Easy to slip on. No wasted energy on socks or attempting to bend over a belly that looks like you’ve eaten an entire watermelon whole, seeds, shell and all. Nothing tight. No jeans.

You may even recycle the same outfit in a shorter amount of time than socially acceptable. You’ve probably been wearing it straight for the past few days. It’s comfortable. There’s no struggling with putting it on or taking it off more than once. Again, you don’t care. And your hair? When was the last time you wore it down? Messy bun for life! Most days it resembles road kill of some unrecognizable animal left for dead about to blow up on top of my head.

When you look back at the pictures during all your pregnancy, you’ll regret not trying anymore. That’s then. This is now. There is not a care left.

Too Big for Life

At the end of each pregnancy all you’ll remember is that you are too big for everything. Too big for clothing. To big to be comfortable. Too big to stand. Too big to sit. Too big to swim. To big to run. To big to live. Too big to bend over. If you drop something, you better have some kind of strategic thought or plan about how you go about picking it up. Like get those toes of yours to pick up things.

If you find yourself stuck on the ground, then why not master the skill of entertaining your other children while you are down there. Read. Do puzzles. Color. Pretend to chase them around by scooting in circles and stretch out your arms by reaching as far as you can. Lazy? Genius!

Almost Over

Tomorrow, 5 years ago, was the day Shelby blessed us with her life. We, as a family would never take our lives for granted. God has given me the greatest gift of what will soon be four amazing children and we couldn’t be happier.

With all that said, I can’t hide my excitement over the thought of this baby exiting my body. Not much will change about my attitude, at least I’ll have my body back and I can figure out our new normal. Most importantly, I can be reacquainted with my old friend, wine, to help me get through!

Fun Facts About My Job as a SAHM

1.)  I often find Mr. Potato Head, Ponytail holder, Reese’s candy wrappers, Play-Doh, socks, and a Barbie’s head. 

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I have become a master at using the plunger. I’m amazed that we haven’t had to have a real professional come in and fix any serious damage. Plumber is being added to my resume.

2.) I swear under my breath at least 20 times, if not more, a day!

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My swear phrase of choice is: “Are you f@*%ing kidding me!?!?” For example, I have extremely picky eaters. The other night my husband gave my kids an option for dinner – hot dogs, homemade french fries, and ice cream for dessert OR BBQ from a local joint in town. My kids won’t eat the chicken, but will devour the ribs like they are going out of town. “RIBS! RIBS!” I went to get the food with my youngest. While I was paying, she had a major melt down about not being able to get the pie that was looking “yummy in the fridge” as she described it. All I could think of was, “Are you f@*%ing kidding me?” Luckily I was able to bribe her saying, “If we go home and eat your dinner you can have an ice cream cone for dessert.” Problem solved. At least for that moment. When we got home, the ribs were in front of her she started squirming in her chair pushing the ribs away saying, “I don’t like ribs!” … “Seriously! Are you F@*^ING kidding me!?” (under my breath of course. No ice cream that night. Which leads me to…

3.) I bribe my kids.

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You probably do not agree with this tactic, but it works wonders for me. For example: “If you do your chores, hygiene, eat breakfat; I’ll let you go on the computer for an hour or two.” This is a win-win for all. The kids live here too. I don’t make the mess all by myself. Half the time I’m in one place majority of the day. It’s not like I go in the livingroom and destroy it just for the fun of it. I’m hoping that one day I won’t have to tell my kids to do their chores, but until that day comes…

4.) I can’t tell you the last time I bought myself something.

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I don’t have a job that rolls in the money. We don’t have the “extra” funds to buy non-essential things. Like those Coach sunglasses that I saw the other day on sale. It was a great deal!

5.) I, like all Moms, work 24/7

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I handle temper tantrums. Dirty looks. Picky eaters. Screamers. Those who do not believe in a nap. I get big hugs. Smiles. Laughs. Dare-devils. I never know what the day will bring me. I wouldn’t trade my job for anything.