Questions. Too much pressure. We should make a pact right now and stop answering them. How are you? Do you want a receipt? What’s for dinner? Are you finished in the bathroom? Are you wearing that today? Do you believe in taking a bath? Sometimes I do not know. I don’t mean to act like I’m avoiding any of the question. I honesty have no clue.
I’m sorry, nice girl at the counter, who’s waiting as patiently as she can for an answer that is piling up the line behind me. I can’t decide if I want a receipt or not. I seem to make this decision wherever I go. Today I ordered a Venti Mocha Java Chip Frappiccino. For here or to go? “To go,” I said. Nope I don’t need a sleeve. I said all this with conviction.
The receipt. It just seemed to stick in an infinity loop. My brain has like gone on a vacation without me. Do I want a receipt? I had a complete brain meltdown. Trouble processing what the receipt was. Less alone if I wanted on or not. It’s not your fault, nice lady at the register. You are awesome. Doing a great job!
The problem is seems to be me. The brain tumor. “Motherhood“. A big, old lump of motherhood smack in the middle of my brain. Progressive. Causes my brain to respond unpredictably. Running enthusiastically at warp speed. Grinding all my gears to come to a halting stop. Moderation? Steady as she goes!? Nothing. Everything is dead to me. There are times this chaotic brain of mine if great for a million questions, raising a lot of money for GT programs just for Moms, raising its hand at the front of Spanish class, and the OMG I KNOW THE ANSWER!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!! Today was not the case.
My brain has been shutting down a lot more lately. Usually about the time one of my children throw the first question of the day at me. Usually this happens at 7:00 a.m. CST. My brain acts like a grumpy teenager refusing to respond to the question. I think it’s a faker. Playing dead. On purpose. Hoping the questioner will leave me alone and let me sleep in some more. I’m stuck telling my brain that my child wants to play on the computer because they assume it’s their turn, even though they took turns yesterday too. No answer. Nothing. An infinity loop: Can they go on the computer? Can they go on the computer? What is computer? Why am I looking and deciding computer or no?
Here is my whole point. If you’ve ever felt like a Mombie, Space Cadet, like your brain in smack middle of a busy highway, and all those other “Mom Brains” are zooming past you; if you’ve ever felt like you should be present more, more in the moment, but you can’t get a kickstart in your brain, you are not alone!
It is OKAY!
It’s OKAY to be a space cadet. To have a stuttering brain. To have the tumor called Motherhood, whatever that takes over all other cognitive functions/something just shuts down. It’s OKAY your tumor has metastasized into your heart and goes flutters. Soft. Terrified in a rapid, missed-beat succession. It’s OKAY it has moved into your lungs and affects the very air you take in.
It is OKAY!
One day your brain will be back at the front of the class. Eventually. Cross my heart. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. We all should cut ourselves some slack.
Don’t answer that.
Have you ever felt this way? Share your “MOMBIE” experiences below. Questions. They are hard. If your brain was working at warp speed today, feel free to tell us a story about a time it was not. Like the one how you almost went to work ONLY in your tights and no skirt; haha. Classic! For the rest of us Momrades who want to encourage one another though our brains have stalled, we can just wave at one another. 🙂