I have been a stay at home my with my kids for the last 8 years and not once have I ever thought about my situation as a permanent break from the workforce.
Do not get me wrong. I have no regrets with my current at home position, in fact I love being able to be here at this stage in their lives. There are some things from the workforce that I really miss like the adult interaction, which is why I have wanted to restart my blogging. Can you imagine the conversations with young children under the age of 6? Thankfully all of my children are older than the age of 4 and I’m good with that. My youngest will be starting All-Day Kindergarten, so I’ve been thinking about what I’ll be doing with all my free time while all four kids are in school 8 hours a day. Should I write? Get a job and work the “perfect” hours that everyone dreams of? Sit around in pajamas all day, eating Rocky Road ice cream and boiled eggs (not together of course), and catching back up on tv shows that the DVR has had for the last 8 months? Clean out the storage building so we can finally have that dreaded garage sale that every one in the family wants but don’t want to work to get it done? Each scenario clearly all have its own benefits.
If I was to return to the workforce what would happen? Do I go back to corporate training or try something new? I was then concerned about my resume gap, but then I have realized that parenting has given me all kinds of new skills! In fact, should I return to work, I have so many new opportunities to choose from thanks to all the new qualifications that I’ve developed since becoming a parent 12 years ago!
Jobs that I am Now Qualified for since I’ve added “Parenting” to my Resume:
- Cruise Director: Since my kids were old enough to sit on their own, they have been staring at me with those sad, ol’ puppy eyes that read, “Entertain me! Make me laugh! Communicate with me!” Of course, they are old enough to speak and unless they are glued to the tv, computer, phone, or tablet; I will have at least 1 child up under my butt for at least 15 minutes expressing their boredom and telling me their needs because they are unsure of what they can do. That they want to do something but nothing that involves cleaning. They do not like my suggestions. Some activities that this Cruise Director could offer would be swimming, playing RISK or Dominoes, cleaning their own cabins, etc. I could always find something for them to do.
2.) Hostage Negotiator: Maybe you think I’m being dramatic or there is no way that I could be qualified for a job like that without the proper training. If you’re entire family has ever been held up because your 2-year-old refuses to put on her pants so you all can go and enjoy the beach, park, or any other activity that requires pants, then you can relate. Yes, as a parent you can force the pants onto your child’s body, but then they start crying, yelling, throwing whatever they can latch their little hands onto before you even step out the door. The key is to make her think that YOU are on her side and that you just want to help her. You gain her trust. Speak in a soft, soothing tone. You get her to realize that wearing pants was her idea to begin with. After a standoff of 5 minutes, but yet to you it feels like hours, she gives up. She puts on the pants! A win for the parents. For the family! Until she says…she has to poop!
3.) Animal Trainer: My kids are pretty much house-trained. They nearly always pee in, on, or around the toilet. They will sit on command, definitely if I’m offering candy or ice cream. My kids will lay down when I (repeatedly) give them the command (100 times) at bedtime. I know. It’s awesome. Give all the thanks to my stellar training skills. I’m pretty sure this qualifies me to train just about any other kind of domesticated animal.
3.) Circus Ring Leader: I am able to run my house in a way that looks like I’m purposefully orchestrating a family circus! Friends that “pop” over for a few minutes. Hours. Will marvel at my ability to tame the savage toddler while seeing another child in the livingroom paint the dog’s face as if he was a clown all awhile I have 2 kids showing one another how to walk tightrope that resemble my nerves by asking me 900 million times if they can go swimming after they go to McDonald’s. The floors resemble some similar to those you can find under a big top with a variety of snacks like popcorn, colored goldfish, chocolate donuts with powdered sugar, and red apples without the skin. They would probably think that we housed elephants or monkeys! If I really wanted to the pull out all that I have, I would be able to double over as the Bearded Lady with a few weeks notice.
4.) Chauffeur: Whether it’s to and from school, sports activities, birthday parties, doctor appointments, or where ever your unlicensed child needs to go, it can sometimes feel like you are living out of your car and even look like it. Drinks, snacks, books/electronics are there for entertainment…for myself. I think I’d make a great professional driver as a chauffeur or a cabbie since I’m in the car 24/7, my record is clear of accidents with a few minor speeding warnings, and at this point adding a far device to charge a fee only seems to be fair.
5.) Harry Potter’s House Elf: I am immensely devoted to the family of which I serve. I work endlessly for them. I can only be freed by the gift of a clean house. A House Mom only truly becomes free once her masters start doing their own laundry. Looks like I’ve got ways to go before that happens. This is definitely NOT a job that I would look for outside the home. I’m unfortunately over-qualified for the no-pay position.
6.) Sewer Inspector: Once you are into parenting with the expectation that it can be messy at times, no one will really understand until they are knee-deep in it and how far it can actually go. You may have never looked at a bathroom after the same way again, particularly after potty training. Once they are potty train. you are still not off the hook. I have recovered so many items from the toilets over the years including (but not limited to): ABC puzzle pieces, wooden puzzle pieces, rubber duckies, a towel, large chunks of toilet paper, entire rolls of toilet paper, scrunchies, trolls, Little People toys, a toy horse, a dinosaur, socks, a whole banana (a whole other story there), underwear, legos, a Barbie, and more. My toilet-fishing ability may qualify me for a spot on The Deadliest Catch.
7.) Pooper Scooper: I’ve been down with OPP (Other People’s Poop) for over 12 years and as much as I hate to admit this, I am over qualified for just about any job position that required the cleaning and/or disposal of poop.
8.) Personal Assistant to a Diva: I have calmly been able to deal with the unreasonable, insanely divas that get upset for absolutely no reason at all (i.e. when their sandwich has ham on it or when the crust is still present). I’m used to taking orders all day long, even extreme requests like, “PLEASE wipe my butt because I don’t feel like it!” (Another reason I would be great at #7). Working as a personal assistant to a Diva or someone like Meryl Streep’s character from The Devil Wears Prada would be no biggie. I mean, at least then I would be getting paid!
What jobs has parenting left you qualified for? Do you think I should pursue a new career in any of these fields? Leave me a comment below. Let me know. I love hearing from you!